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10 September 2013 @ 04:38 pm
Madness  
Just posting this here for...uh. Memories?

Ren-Ferret can sum it all up.
You say "So once upon a time, Renita's family was inbred. But then they decided it was okay to have wood elves too, and so they were inbred with wood elves. And then Renita was born. And the moment she started talking she knew that the gods were a farce and that she must rebel rebel!"
You say "So she did. And she kept sneaking away from her wealthy parents home without them being able to stop her, of course, because she was a young child. And she trotted over to the Loping Plains a lot. As a small child."
Fenris says "Where the vampires and wargs promptly conveniently ignored her?"
Fenris And
You say "And the vampires thought she was KEEN, and this one vampire thought she was so keen that she went and had all these philosophical talks with the young elf child, and she told her that she was a 'goddess among insects', etc etc. This vampire did. And so the young child Renita decides she wants to live forever, because she knew the gods were EEEEVIL, and so she was like 'hay, can you turn me into a vampire when I'm just barely past jailbait age?' and the vampire said 'woe, I can't, Mayong has to give me permission and he has DISAPPEARED OHNOZ, you will have to find immortality some other way and stuff'. And woe."
You say "Renita's still like, five or something."
Fenris WOE
You say "So Renita grows up a bit, and decides she's gonna run away from home and study..."
You say "SUMMONATION"
Luna says "...Wow XD"
You say "Also her parents and Kelethin are oppressive and want to hamper her mindthoughts and etc etc teenaged angst rebellion."
Vadiel says "Summ...summowhat?"
You say "So she is going to go to Freeport to study SUMMONATION. Which is to say she's going to study both necromancy and conjuration, but it's SUMMONATION okay."
Malkav's eyes cross.
Vadiel says "I think a few brain cells have committed seppuku."
You say "So Renita says this thing, and it's hilarious."
You say "She's like 'it was going to be a problem, because my parents were rich but if I left I would have nothing! Oh no! Struggle!'"
Luna facepalm.
You say "But then she follows it up with 'but my convenient vampire friend was loaded and gave me plats so it wasn't a problem'."
Luna says "XD"
Malkav declares a moritorium on this level of stupid.
You say "So then Renita, who is still a kid I think, goes and lives on her own in Freeport in the upscale rich neighborhood, because her convenient vampire friend had that much money. And she studies SUMMONATION. And decides lichdom is gross. And decides living forever as an elemental kinda sucks. So she also starts playing chess."
Luna says "Um. XD"
Ratatosk has connected.
Luna says "Rat!"
Fenris says "Dude, she's already a freaking elf."
Elana says "Ratty Ratty Ratrat"
Fenris says "It's not like she's going to die in the next several hundred years."
You say "And she becomes REALLY good at chess, see. Because as it turns out, and I'm sure you're all surprised, she's a MASTER TACTICIAN."
Malkav has disconnected.
Luna says "ORLY"
You say "YARLY"
Ratatosk humina
Ratatosk LONG DAY
Luna shoves a pillow under Rat.
You say "So she's SO good, she beats all these chess tournaments, because I'm sure Freeport had loads of those, and then the Militia is like !. Amg. You are so tactical!"
You say "So the Militia personally requests that she take a position as their tactical whositwhatever."
You say "Renita's probably 14 or something."
Elana giggles madly.
Luna says ">.> Marysue ahoy."
Elana says "Wait. EQ elves are phyiscally mature at 14? Like humans?"
Elana says "Not like, y'know, 100 or so like D&D?"
You say "It depends on the player I think."
Elana says "Ohrite."
Elana says "Please, continue with the Mary-Sue-a-thon."
You say "So right, so Renita is a brilliant, brilliant tactician. Everyone thinks she's awesome. But lo, Freeport is a morally corrupt city. Gasp! But she must pretend to be cold and unfeeling, which since this is Renita she's not actually pretending, to survive and whatever. So anyway, things go like this for a while, and she studies ALCHEMY, because apparently this is how Mayong Mistmoore created vampirism and I'm like, I don't think it happened that way, but OKAY. So anyway, then the gods do their disappearing act, which is, uh, I'm pretty sure the timeline's wrong, but I'm not quibbling about THIS particular timeline problem because just wait. Anyway, so OH NOZ, the Second Rallosian Army is forming!"
Ratatosk actually is gonna AFK again. Back in an hour or two.
Elana waves!
You say "And because Renita is the most brilliant tactician ever, she does CALCULATIONS. And she goes 'oh noz! There is no way we can possibly win!' but she doesn't tell Freeport this. She tells them everything'll be awesome. And she decides the only way to live is to defect to join the Rallosians. You know. As a high elf."
Elana says "Go take some meds for your shoulder."
Luna hugs Ratatoks.
Luna fails at typing today!
You say "So she comes up with a plan to do so, and because she's, you know, Renita, it's ridiculously convoluted and makes no sense, but involves blowing up her house for barely any reason and going to Highpass to hire a dude to take her message to the Rallosians who are NOWHERE NEAR HIGHPASS but okay, and etc, etc, and of course the Rallosians are totally jumping at the bit to get her on their side. I'm not exaggerating."
You say "I think I skipped over the V tonic."
You say "I did."
You say "Um."
You say "Okay so she's studying ALCHEMY, and she...comes up with this formula! Which she sells to warlocks even though they didn't exist then. This formula also contains voidling bits, even though no one knew about the Void and there was no voidlings, but see Renita knew somehow just instinctual-like, and anyway it's this sekret formula which is supposed to help warlocks cast better, but in reality it does this thing where it'll turn the warlock into a Renita clone if they attack her."
You say "...I'm really not kidding."
Luna says "... ._."
Vadiel says "Now if there a way to bottle her -crazy-..."
You say "It's um. Some. Thing. That's supposed to help her avoid getting into trouble somehow and seriously it makes no sense. So anyway, she joins the Rallosians. And her version of the Second Rallosian War GOES ON FOR YEARS."
You say "Years and years. At some point she gains immortality via potion, so apparently she's nineteen by this point."
Fenris says "Didn't you know? Aerryn did the same thing?"
Cilantro looks amused at this scene, Roz creates her own fanservice.
Fenris says "He's totally a master elf tactitian in disguise."
Fenris XD
Fenris says "Michael's oblivious~"
You say "Also, the people she's fighting keep sending in people to try and convince her to come back to their side, or to kidnap her and force her. Rather than, I don't know, killing her. Seriously. This happens constantly. She calls it the 'Renita Rescue'. Everyone does it. THEY SEND IN THEIR COMMANDERS TO DO IT."
Fenris Sends in Shard.
You say "There's this one point where this really high ranking high elf dude with a high elf warlock sister (yes) does it, and of course fails, and she kills him, and then his sister is like !!!!!. Now at this point I should mention how she talked about how she'd know she wasn't killing innocents with this V tonic thing because anyone who attacked her clearly would be morally corrupt."
You say "So his sister goes !!!! and of course drinks V tonic. And turns into a Renita clone. And gets away. Renita's like *shrug* and things go on."
Vadiel says "What."
You say "And she spends like, just ages describing this war that apparently in her universe goes on for years, and at one point she uses her magickal alchemy to make all of the ogres in her unit into super awesome. And of course the entire Rallosian Army is like "RENITA IS AWESOME" and they think Tallon's blessed her, so they call her Renita of Tallon."
You say "And the Rallosian Army in Renita-verse is completely retarded, because, you know, they started in the swamp and jungle. But instead of going up through the desert and through the Rathe Mountains and the Karanas to get to the two big cities..."
You say "They instead go through the Rathe mountains, through the Karanas, and then instead of going to Qeynos they go to HIGHPASS."
You say "And like, Kithicor and shit. I don't know why. They're retarded. Because they'll attack Freeport that way."
Fenris gangsigns for Highpass.
You say "And halflings set up this very random...uh, explosion some how, and Renita FALLS INTO THE UNDERFOOT"
Fenris says "Yes, let's go through Kithicor. AT NIGHT."
You say "They do."
Fenris wtf
You say "Anyway so she falls into the Underfoot."
You say "And then she meets the world's wussiest paladin."
You say "See, he's this paladin from Qeynos and like, he used to follow Rodcet but Rodcet left and he was Sad, and so he lost his faith in Rodcet but kept his powers anyway, because he's like that, and so he and Renita walk around the Underfoot, and she's like, telling him all this stuff she's doing, which basically goes like 'yeah I totally betrayed everyone and joined forces with the guys who are trying to murder us all because they worship War, but I totally did it to some day prevent the Void invasion that I instinctually know is coming', and the paladin is like 'cool'."
You say "So they walk out of the Underfoot, and the paladin shows the only bit of spine he ever will, when he asks, not demands, asks, if Renita has the right to play god with the world. And Renita is like...maybe I don't. I KNOW. I'll be a hermit like you, Mr. Wussy Paladin! And the Paladin is like 'cool'. But they find out that the Renita clone took over Renita's place in the army while she was gone, and she's got Void mind control powers or some shit, and this isn't very good. But Renita is like 'but it'd be too much effort to get rid of her, so I'll just do nothing', and the paladin is like 'cool'."
Luna says "o.o"
You say "So instead of doing anything, they just sit and watch the Battle of Defiance. And the Rallosians die but the Renita clone gets away and randomly becomes advisor in some village or some shit like that I don't know, and Renita's like 'maybe I should do something' and then she goes 'too much effort' and the paladin is like 'cool'."
Fenris cool.
Luna says "XD"
You say "And so finally, the paladin goes 'how come you're a mage but you can fight with a sword?' which is something I forgot to mention because it's retarded, but Renita can do awesome swordplay while casting spells 'cause she invented her own combat style when she was twelve or something, and so anyway Renita explains."
You say "So the paladin is like 'that's kinda like what paladins do, except you know, divine magic, and you hate the gods, I KNOW, I'll teach you how to be a paladin for no real reason because anyway you said you're kinda maybe sorry about betraying the whole world and killing hundreds or thousands of people, so that makes you paladin material.' and Renita is like 'cool'."
You say "The end of the current volume."
Luna says "...Wow."
Vadiel says "Right. That's it. Internet's closed. Everyone out."
You say "You know what I forgot?"
You say "I forgot how she uses alchemy to give herself eyeliner."
Luna says "...Wat."
Vadiel says "...extra what."
You say "I'll just leave it at that."
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